


Drabbles

by TheGreatGame



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (1963)
Genre: Fluff, Generally shippy-ness, M/M, Mostly Two and Jamie, Parent AU, You get the idea, a little bit of
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-15
Updated: 2018-06-13
Packaged: 2018-08-08 21:21:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 9,850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7773808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheGreatGame/pseuds/TheGreatGame
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bite size stories</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Lulled

The Doctor blinked. It was a heavy, painful blink, accompanied with dull flashes of greenish, orange-y purple behind his eyelids. He had been working for hours on a borrowed laptop filling out documents for the official representatives of the planets that were entering a long-wanted peace treaty. Somehow, he had gotten saddled with all the paperwork. Just his luck. He had been planning a pleasant trip for him and Jamie when the Time Lords had to saddle them with this mission. At least it had been short and relatively simple.

Another gust of warm air blew into his ear and he shuddered. He had nearly gotten used to this- it had been going on for at least two hours.

It would have been much easier to focus if Jamie had fallen asleep in a different position on their hotel bed. He was half-curled up next to the Doctor’s side, facing him, and softly snoring in his ear.

With a small flourish of his fingers, the Doctor completed the documents and sent them off. He closed the laptop, set it aside, and pondered about what to do next. He didn’t want to wake Jamie, but maybe, just maybe, he could push him into facing the other side.

Gently, yet firmly, the Doctor put his hands on Jamie’s shoulder and started to push.

Jamie let out a small snort and his face scrunched into such a cute expression that the Doctor had to stop to admire it. Then, Jamie’s arms weakly extended and pushed the Doctor’s hands away. He wrapped his arms around the Doctor and held him close.

The Doctor sighed, his lips rising into a grin. He loved how Jamie always needed to cuddle something as he slept, which meant he had a nice, soft Scot warming him up during the night. He gave up the idea of pushing him away. This was too nice.

Then, it became even better.

Jamie snuggled in close and, softly, so softly, planted kisses all over the Doctor’s cheek and hair. His eyes were shut tight, and he was barely moving his head, yet he did it with such a loving insistence that the Doctor started to doubt if he was even asleep.

The Doctor closed his eyes and let the feeling of those soft, loving kisses lull him to sleep.


	2. I love you

“What?” 

Jamie scoffed.

“I said I love you,” he repeated.

The Doctor blushed, and the most grateful grin spread across his face like the rising sun, unusually bright in the evening shadows under the tree.

“Oh, Jamie…”

“What? Why are you staring like that? You know I love you.”

Those magic words sent sparks of joy through the Doctor’s hearts, and he was nearly too pleased to speak again.

“Yes, but… that’s the first time you ever really said it out loud. And in public, too!”

Jamie blinked and looked around at the park, lit by lanterns and moonlight. He was surprised that this was the first time he had said that. He certainly thought it quite a lot.   
He also realized that he hadn’t been embarrassed, or had looked cautiously around him before wrapping his arms around the Doctor. He saw people walking around, lovers and dog walkers, taking no notice of him and the Doctor, no disgust or complaints. And he knew that they wouldn’t, not just that they shouldn’t. 

He was fine. He felt fine.

He felt totally happy.

“Oh Jamie,” said the Doctor. “I’m so proud of-”

Jamie shut him up with a kiss.


	3. Could you stop?

“Could you stop?”  
  
“Of course not,” said the Doctor, still strumming his wee space banjo, or guitar, or whatever it was. “I rightfully rented this and the temporary knowledge of how to play it, so I’m going to make the most of it!”  
  
“Aye, but…” Jamie had to fight to talk through his blushing. “Could you at least play another type of song?”  
  
“I’ll play what I wish. Besides,” the Doctor looked around at the other people in the park, “they all seem to enjoy it. Now, a Broadway tune perhaps…”  
  
“Oh no.”  
  
Jamie sped-walked as fast as he could, but the Doctor kept up behind him, playing his space guitar and crooning proudly.  
  
“ _You’re lovely_ ,” he sang, “ _absolutely lovely. Who’d believe the loveliness of you_?”  
  
“Stop it!”  
  
“No! _Perfect… sweet and warm and winsome. Radiant as in some dream come true…_ ”  
  
The Doctor was a little pitchy, Zoe reflected as she kept pace with the Doctor, but everyone loved a romance, and as long as people kept putting money in the hat she was carrying, she was happy.


	4. Only talking

“We were only talking.“

“Of course you were,” the Doctor sniffed. He wouldn’t meet Jamie’s eye. “Just a friendly conversation.”

“Aye.”

“A conversation that included kissing each other on the cheek?”

“Ye-No! Och, look, only she did that, and it caught me by surprise.”

“It must have been a pleasant surprise, judging by the look on your face afterwards.” The Doctor strongly flicked a switch on the console. Jamie had never seen the Doctor acting so rough with the TARDIS before. “I hadn’t seen you smile like that in ages.”

“Aye, well…” Jamie scratched the back of his head. “It’s been such a long time since a lass flirted with me. I guess I just went along with it… because.”

“Because?”

“… Just because,” Jamie finished lamely.

The Doctor stared at Jamie from the corners of his eyes, and even though Jamie could only catch a glimpse of them, he couldn’t miss the sadness he saw there.

“Well,” said the Doctor, sounding as if he was struggling to keep his voice at a steady pace. “If that’s your motivation for flirting with people who are interested in you, Mr. Just Because, then I feel incredibly sorry for any other young person who happens to want to ask you to dinner.”

The Doctor moved another lever and started to walk away. 

Jamie glared at the alien’s retreating back, swallowed down a lump in his throat, and spoke.

“I said no.”

The Doctor stopped walking. He turned and looked at Jamie, not appeased at all.

“Of course you did,” said the Doctor. “We had to leave the planet quite quickly afterwards on threat of having our heads chopped off. I’m surprised she even had time to ask you out on a date. The sensible thing to do was to politely decline.” He gasped and put a finger to his lips, as if a thought had just struck him. “Wait! Or did you turn her down just because?”

Jamie’s stiffened his jaw. If the situation had been different, he would have yelled the Doctor’s head off for this unreasonable attitude. The Doctor may have been older and, Jamie had to admit it, wiser, but he was a stubborn Scot who ordinarily couldn’t stand being unfairly treated. However, he rightfully ignored it and spoke what had been on his mind all day.

“I ken that you were jealous of that lass, Doctor,” he said.

That certainly did something. The Doctor’s cold gaze cracked and he stuttered slightly when he next spoke. 

“J-jealous? Me? Jamie, you’re, you’re being completely-”

“Don’t deny it,” said Jamie. “I’d have had to be blind not to see the way you were glaring at her when she spoke to me. I’d have to be deaf not to hear the way you’re talking now. Before, when she left us alone for even a wee bit, you’d never leave my side!”

The Doctor stammered, but Jamie cut him off.

“Don’t say a word,” he growled. “You’ve got feelings for me. I ken that now. I’ve got just one thing I need to say to you. You lovesick wee man.”

The Doctor nervously wrung his hands together, his anger replaced with fear, before letting them fall to his sides. He gave up. He only hoped that Jamie didn’t hate him too much.

Jamie took the Doctor’s hands in his own. The Doctor looked up and saw Jamie’s face- his kind, lovely face.

“When next we land somewhere calm… would you… go to dinner with me?”

The Doctor gaped at him. He couldn’t say a word.

Then Jamie kissed him on the cheek, and he didn’t have to.


	5. Not a Crime

“That’s not a crime.”

“What?” Jamie mumbled through a blushing face.

The Doctor chuckled. “It’s not a crime to kiss someone you love.”

“I know that,” said Jamie.

“Well, then, why did you stop?”

Jamie turned his head away. The movie theater was dark, but he knew the Doctor would be able to see him with those glowing eyes of his. Well, not glowing exactly, but they did shine in the dark, giving him a wild look in such a kind, thoughtful face.

“Are you nervous?” the Doctor whispered. 

“No,” Jamie snapped.

“There’s nothing to be nervous about,” the Doctor continued. “Nobody can see us.”

That was true. The Doctor and Jamie were sitting at the very back of the theater, and most everybody else was sitting in the front rows. They had gotten bored watching the movie- neither of them understood the specifically modern, disgusting human humor, Jamie being from the past and the Doctor being an alien- so they had started to make the situation more enjoyable. They kissed softly, trying not to make too much noise in squeaky chairs, but it was so much fun. They even allowed themselves to chuckle at it all as the sensation of their lips meeting drowned out the movie.

But then somebody had gotten up quite suddenly and Jamie found himself unable to keep going. Even after the man had left the theater, he couldn’t even look at the Doctor.

“Even if they did see us,” said the Doctor. “They wouldn’t care. We’re in a pretty liberal time period now. Besides, there are only adults here, and I don’t think they like the movie much either.”

“Aye,” Jamie agreed. “One in yonder row is checking her phone.”

“And, um, I didn’t want to point it out earlier, but…” The Doctor dropped his voice down to the lowest whisper. “The couple over there have started doing worse things than we have.”

“Hmm?” Jamie turned and squinted. He really looked. Then, he saw them. “Oh, Lord!”

“Not too loud,” the Doctor chuckled. “They’ll hear us.”

“Och, if they’re brazen enough to do that in a public place, they wouldnae care.”

“So why don’t we continue our innocent necking, eh?”

The Doctor tenderly placed a kiss on the corner of Jamie’s mouth. 

“Please?”

Jamie shivered, but he brought his arms around the Doctor again and held him close.

“Aye.”

After the man from earlier came back from the bathroom, he took his seat and nudged the person next to him.

“Godawful movie,” he muttered, “but it has a way of bringing people together.”

His boyfriend supported his opinion by bringing him in for a kiss.

The one lady in the theater who came alone snickered and continued to work on her epic novel.


	6. A massage

“Do you…well…I mean…I could give you a massage?”

Jamie cocked his head. He groaned as something in his neck bitterly complained at the motion.

“A what?” he asked.

“A massage,” the Doctor repeated with a hint of worry in his voice. He hated hearing Jamie mutter curses every time he so much as moved. “It usually works wonders after a long day of hard work. You certainly look like you need it.”

“No, I mean what is it?”

“It’s… well, how about I simply show you?”

Jamie didn’t take long to accept the Doctor’s offer. He trusted the Doctor, and he was ready to try anything that would help soothe his aching muscles.

Only a few minutes later, Jamie was lying comfortably on his stomach across the sofa as the Doctor’s hands skillfully kneaded his back. He gave a happy grunt as the Doctor did something particularly nice near his shoulder.

“Does that feel better?” the Doctor asked.

“Oh aye,” said Jamie. “Much… ah… much better. A bit lower, eh?”

The Doctor complied. He did love making Jamie feel good. Surreptitiously, he let his telepathic powers wander near the edges of Jamie’s mind, just near enough to feel the waves of comfort and joy he was creating. They washed over him, warm and absolutely lovely. He smiled, and Jamie smiled with him, as they completely relaxed for the first time in days.

Meanwhile, Victoria watched them from the doorway. She wasn’t spying on them, not really, only wondering why when she had complained to the Doctor of being weary, he only told her that a bath and a cup of tea will do her wonders, the tea is in the third cupboard, the baths are down the hall, and had she seen Jamie by any chance?


	7. That tickles!

“Aah! That tickles!”

The Doctor giggled and squirmed in delight as another kitten found its way onto his shoulder and began rubbing against his neck. There was a black and white kitten crawling up the back of his coat like a mountain climber, and the movements of its paws set his nerves prickling. Two kittens- one all black and the other a brown tabby- were wrestling in his lap. The Doctor was absolutely covered in tiny, clawed bundles of fluff, and everything _tickled_.

Jamie, who was standing next to him and bottle feeding one the youngest kitten, tried to not look amused.

“Doctor, why did you have to adopt them all?”

“Well, J-Jamie, I, uh, couldn’t- oh _stop_ that! I couldn’t refuse when, ahem, when that man said if no one adopted them, they’d be sent to the pound! I researched that shelter, you know. If they’re too full and nobody takes the animals, they-”

The Doctor yelped and had to fish the kitten that had been on his shoulder out of his collar.

“You naughty little thing!” He shook his finger at the kitten, then smiled as the animal swatted at it like a toy. “Oh! I can’t stay mad at you.” He ruffled the fur of its head, making it give a little mew. “I’ll name you Mint.”

He set Mint down and began pointing at each kitten.

“And your name’s Folly, and you’re Sam, and you’re Erasmus…”

Jamie sighed and looked down at his own kitten. It was still suckling, its eyes closed in pleasure, and some of the milk had gotten onto the fur of its muzzle.

“Looks like you’ve got yourself some odd parents, Angus,” he muttered.


	8. Did you fall asleep already?

“Are… are you awake? Did you fall asleep already?”

Jamie’s soft snore answered the Doctor’s question.

The Doctor scoffed and started shaking Jamie back awake again. This was no way to act during a stakeout. Although it didn’t help that they had started their job in the middle of the night after running halfway across town away from their enemy’s goons.

“Jamie? Jamie, wake up!”

“No,“ Jamie murmured, eyes still closed. “You need to calm down, you big selkie.”

Well, the Doctor reflected, at least he’s not having another nightmare.

“Jamie!” The Doctor gave Jamie a quick slap.

Jamie’s fist suddenly shot out and punched the Doctor. The dazed Time Lord fell back, gazing at the stars in pain and confusion.

“I’m awake!” yelled Jamie. He blinked and then stared at the Doctor. “Doctor, what are you doing lying down? We’re-” A big yawn. “We’re on a job here.”

The Doctor growled and just shoved a bag of chocolate covered espresso beans in Jamie’s direction. That should get him up at at ‘em.

Fortunately, it worked, and Jamie was wide awake when he and the Doctor captured their target, got the information, and eventually saved the day (or night).

Unfortunately, it worked a little too well, and the Doctor had to listen to a hyper Scotsman’s spoken stream of consciousness even when they got back to the TARDIS later that night. He thought he had told him not to eat the whole bag.


	9. I Dare You

“That was too easy, Doctor!”

“Easy?” the Doctor asked. “What do you mean by easy?”

Jamie smirked; he had been smiling almost constantly for the past couple of hours. He picked up a branch from the side of the dusty road and began to idly pluck off spare twigs. “How we helped that town,” he explained. “We fought the beastie plaguing it like it was nothing!”

“Well, it certainly helped that Rupert has less of a chance of hurting us than a basket of kittens.” Indeed, the so-called monster, which the Doctor had affectionately named Rupert, that had made the townspeople of this medieval, yet peaceful, world turn to alien explorers for help turned out to be almost totally harmless. Rupert- a creature that looked like a many-legged bobcat with light mange and wings- was alien, but incredibly friendly. Jamie had tackled it to the ground to capture it, and Rupert had responded by beginning to play. To the townspeople watching in secret, it had been a mighty battle. To Jamie, it was a fight to not laugh aloud when Rupert started to tickle him.

The Doctor found the wreckage of an animal escape pod a mile away from town. After sending a message using the contact information scribbled on the pod’s walls, the Doctor’s theory was confirmed. A petting zoo’s spaceship had been attacked along its route to another planet. The ship’s inhabitants had all managed to get into escape pods, but the one that held Rupert had been knocked off course from the path of the other pods. The zoo’s caretakers were all settled on a nearby station with the other animals, and they were relieved to hear that their big, cuddly star was safe.

To the townspeople, however, the Doctor, Jamie, and Victoria had all helped to tame a fearsome beast, and threw a quick feast for them in their honor. The Doctor and Victoria had started to say it was no trouble at all, but Jamie thought it best to enjoy the party. Now, filled with food and drink, and knowing that Victoria was waiting in the TARDIS for them with Rupert, the Doctor and Jamie couldn’t help but feel just a little heroic.

Jamie especially enjoyed the gratitude. Despite how many times he helped save people, he wasn’t thanked as often as he liked.

“Do you remember what they called us?” said Jamie. “Doctor Doctor the wise. Lady Victoria the caring.” He triumphantly swished the tree branch. “And Sir Jamie the valiant!”

“Soon it’ll be Sir Jamie the big headed,” the Doctor mumbled.

“Eh?”

“Nothing, nothing. It was very valiant of you to wrestle with Rupert, scratch him behind the ears, and then rub his stomach to make him go to sleep.”

Jamie cleared his throat and dropped the tree branch. “Aye, well. I didn’t know it wasn’t friendly at first, did I?”

“Very brave of you,” the Doctor grinned.

“Hey, enough of that now. I am brave.” Jamie sniffed and held his head up high in the fading sunlight. “Toughest of Clan McCrimmon, I am.”

“Are you?” The Doctor couldn’t keep the amusement from his voice.

“Aye! I’ll do anything you say.”

“Really?” The Doctor looked around the green path. “Then…. cross that stream in a single bound.”

The Doctor pointed towards a nearby stream filled with rushing cool water. It wasn’t small, but it was definitely easy for Jamie to take a running start and leap over it, his kilt fluttering in the wind. He landed safely on the other side and scoffed at the Doctor, who couldn’t stop himself from blushing at the glimpses he got of Jamie’s bare legs.

“Come on! That’s hardly a challenge!”

“Oh?” The Doctor was starting to have fun with this game. He quickly looked around for the inspiration of another dare. Aha! “I dare you to hang upside down from that tree branch.”

“Just that? Doctor, that's…” Jamie grew quiet as he played the situation out in his head. "Wait. But if I do that then…"

The Doctor crossed his arms. “Oh? What happened to Jamie the valiant? Jamie the brave?”

“Aye, but there’s brave and then there’s, there’s showing off my…” Jamie looked up and could only see the teasing little smile on the Doctor’s face. He gritted his teeth, filled with determination.

Jamie quickly clambered up the tree and reached the long, sturdy branch that the Doctor had pointed to. Without hesitation, he hooked his legs around it and fell back. As he did so, his hands clutched the ends of his kilt and held it firmly in place. He gave an upside down look of triumph.

“Bet you didn’t plan for that, did you?”

“Very good!” The Doctor clapped slowly. “Wonderful job, Jamie. Here’s a treat for you. Catch!”

The Doctor’s hand went in and out of his pocket faster than Jamie could see, and before he knew it, a round, green shape was flying towards him. Jamie caught the apple with both hands, only realizing what he’d done when his kilt followed the laws of gravity and showed off Jamie’s unfortunate reluctance to wear underwear.

“Very funny,” Jamie mumbled, his voice drowned out by the Doctor’s giggles. At least he had the decency to look away after a second or two.

“Oh, I’m sorry, Jamie,” the Doctor squeaked. He tried to get his laughing under control and half succeeded. “You really walked into that one. Or perhaps fell into it would be a better term.”

“Och, well.” Jamie landed back on the ground with a grunt. “I did it, didn’t I?”

“Yes, of course. You keep your title of Sir Jamie the valiant.”

“Give me one more.”

The Doctor blinked. “Eh?”

“One more.” Jamie’s eyes glittered with an excited ferocity. “One more dare.”

“Jamie, we really should be getting back to the TARDIS by now.”

“Come on, Doctor. Just one more. Give me all you got.”

Jamie looked so dashing, didn’t he, the Doctor thought, and so happy too. Jamie’s face was so lovely when he was happy. His smile crinkled his cheeks and glowed as bright as day. The Doctor could never figure out for certain why he said what he said next. Perhaps he was still on the rush of awkward, heated feelings from seeing Jamie’s legs and smile. Perhaps he was influenced by what he had drunk at the feast, although as a Time Lord, that was hardly an excuse. All he knew was that a mischievous little idea came to life in his head and escaped through his mouth before he had a chance to even know it was there.

“Kiss me.”

Jamie’s smile vanished. He seemed to step back without moving, his brows furrowed as he calculated what he had just heard. Whatever he had expected, it hadn’t been this.

The Doctor regretted his words immediately. He opened and closed his mouth, trying to form an excuse, an apology, something, but unlike that imp of an idea, they weren’t going to happen anytime soon.

Then, just as the Doctor thought he had ruined everything, there was the soft touch of lips against his own. Jamie’s hands rested on his shoulders as he closed his eyes and kissed. The heat of familiar and unfamiliar touches flooded through Jamie and into the Doctor, who was thinking so many things at once that he was soon dizzy in excitement. In too short an instant, the kiss was over. Jamie stepped back and looked up at the Doctor. He was blushing again.

Without thinking, the Doctor licked his lips. A small, curious taste lingered there, and his blood flowed hot in his views.

Finally, he said, in a husky voice, “I bet you can’t do that again.”

Jamie proved him wrong. This kiss was longer. The Doctor let his hands wander up Jamie’s back, into his hair. He had time, glorious time, to properly kiss back and even reach out a tentative mental touch to Jamie’s mind. He felt around for only a second, but he didn’t regret it. He found nervousness, even a bit of fear, but over it all was a growing sense of comfort.

Jamie began to smile against his lips and the Doctor’s hearts cheered in delight.

After a minute or so, they pulled apart while remaining close, their arms still wrapped around each other. Jamie swallowed and looked into the Doctor’s eyes, which were practically sparkling.

“What are you thinking?” he asked.

“Honestly?” said the Doctor. With a newfound bravery, he replied, “I was thinking of daring you to add a bit of tongue to it next.”

Jamie laughed. He stroked the side of the Doctor’s face, his warm hand trailing sparks against the Doctor’s cool skin.

“Next time we do it,” he said, “I don’t want it to be a dare.”


	10. Let Me Explain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Parent AU! Where in Two loses the kids and Jamie tries to keep his temper.

“Before you decide to murder me, let me explain…”

Jamie stood there in the harsh sunlight with his arms crossed and his foot tap-tap-tapping furiously in the dust. The Doctor eyed him warily, painfully aware of the number of knives on Jamie’s person and the fact that there always ended up being more knives than he thought there were.

“Please do,” Jamie said through gritted teeth.

“Ah, right. Well…” The Doctor cleared his throat. “In my defense, I thought that the kids would stay safe in the camping area. I told them not to wander off because of the dangerous Leorata-”

“The lion-like beasties?”

“Yes, the, the lion-like beasties.” The Doctors hands instinctively went up in a show of peace, even though Jamie hadn’t moved. “And they stayed put! They did not go outside the camping area!”

“No?”

“No.” The Doctor cringed. “The… lion-like creatures went to them instead. And apparently adopted Robert and Bonnie as their own. The, the next thing I knew, I was watching them being carried away!”

“And ye didn’t stop them?”

“Well, you must understand, Jamie, that these creatures can be provoked by seemingly harmless behavior! The children are fine- they can tolerate the behavior of their own kind and their cubs, even the adopted ones- but they’re a lot less understanding with older outsiders. I couldn’t even get close without almost getting a face full of claws!

“But I did try to negotiate with them, Jamie! I tried my best to explain that I was one of their fathers and demanded to have my children back on the grounds of common decency.”

"How could you negotiate with them? They're lions."

"Leo-"

"I ken what they are!"

"Well, I can still communicate with them. It's a mixture of telepathic connection and a, a bit of growling added in. Sort of like, like Dr. Dolittle. Have I shown you that movie yet, Jamie? We should all watch it once we get back to the TAR..."

Jamie’s eyes narrowed until the Doctor could feel his gaze burning a hole in his head. He took a few steps forward until his nose was just touching the Doctor’s. When he next spoke, the Doctor was uncomfortably reminded of one of those lion-like beasties growling and baring its teeth.

“Tell me, Doctor. If only Robert and Bonnie were taken, then why are all three of my two-year-old children right in the middle of an alien lion’s den?”

The Doctor seemed to shrink a few inches as Jamie asked his question. He swallowed and muttered, “They rather liked him, too. I, I had to hand him over in, in exchange for my life. But not, not like that! Not selfishly! It’s all a part of a plan! You see, first I have to-”

There was a flash of metal and the Doctor flinched, arms raised against an imagined strike. When nothing came, he opened his eyes again and saw Jamie marching across the dusty plains, twirling a knife in his hand and muttering how if you wanted something done right, you had to do it yourself.

The Doctor sighed in relief, but grew tense once more as Jamie called back,

“If I don’t skin that damn lion in the next hour, I’m skinning you instead!”

“Leoratan,” the Doctor whimpered.


	11. Costumes

“Have we lost them?”

The Doctor took a quick look around. “I believe so.”

Jamie breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank God.” He ran a hand through his hair and, for the first time, properly looked at his clothes.

“Doctor?”

“Hmm?”

“What are we wearing?”

The Doctor and Jamie had just finished running away from a group of very unfriendly people carrying some very unfriendly weapons. These people had, until recently, worked for an undercover alien agent who had planned on taking out all technology and manipulating the Earth’s flora to make the entire planet overgrown and wild. His exact motives were unclear, although the Doctor suspected the scientist simply wanted to see what would happen and didn’t care about humanity’s opinions on the matter.

In any case, they managed to get him arrested and sent off planet, but his henchmen were very annoyed about losing their jobs and the idea of going to jail. In fact, a whole group of them started to run after the Doctor and Jamie, wanting to give them a piece of their minds using various gardening supplies from the store above their boss’s undercover lab.

The Doctor and Jamie managed to run into a small costume shop and grab two of the last costumes they had (it was the day of, after all). All that had mattered was blending into the costumed crowds, so it was only now that they realized what they had put on.

“Oh, this is very nice,” said the Doctor. He raised his arms to better display his dazzling cloak. He had chosen some sort of wizard’s outfit, complete with a pointy hat and plastic jewelry. “This is a very good outfit! We must have gone into a high quality costume shop.”

“Well, that makes me feel better about stealing the clothes,” Jamie scoffed, but he was admiring his costume as well. He had chosen some sort of adventurer’s gear, clothes that looked rough and well-worn. He looked like he had stepped out of that game the Doctor had been telling him about not that long ago- something to do with dungeons and dragons.

“You know, Jamie,” said the Doctor. “It is Halloween, and it’s just around nighttime now. And I expect we don’t have to worry about our pitchfork carrying friends any more.”

“What are you saying?” asked Jamie.

The Doctor adjusted his hat and gave Jamie a wicked grin.

“Let’s crash a party.”


	12. The Color Green

“Doctor?”

Jamie wiped the sweat off his brow and squinted against the sunlight. He cried  the Doctor’s name again, but he was answered only by the rustling of grass, petals, and leaves.

The alien countryside was gorgeous, although Jamie couldn’t think of another planet that looked more like Earth other than Earth itself. The Doctor had said that homesick space travelers had used all their resources to turn this small craggy rock into a beautiful forest- a home millions of miles away from home. Jamie was standing in the middle of a flower-flooded clearing, shin-deep in soft pink, yellow, and blue beauties, with absolutely no idea where the Doctor was.

“ _Jamie!_ ” 

The Doctor’s voice echoed from somewhere near Jamie’s right. Jamie ran towards the sound and found himself at the foot of a rather large hill. Around him were the flowers, and past that were only trees. The Doctor was nowhere to be found.

“ _Doctor?_ ”

Something small and hard landed a direct hit on the back of Jamie’s head. The Scot cursed at the top of his lungs and spun around, looking for the attacker.

“Jamie, you know I hate it when you talk like that!”

Another apple bounced off of Jamie’s head and he whipped his head around to look at the top of the hill. There, he saw an apple tree- and one snickering Time Lord kneeling next to a pile of apples.

“Och, you, you _evil_ -”

“Oh, do lighten up, Jamie. You ought to know I’d never stray far.”

“-leaving me alone in this, this-”

“Beautiful place,” the Doctor finished. He plucked a flower from near his knees and sniffed. “Besides, I made you a little something!” He held up a multi-colored flower crown and grinned like a Cheshire cat. “What do you think?”

Jamie answered with a well-aimed apple to the Doctor’s chest.

The Doctor dove away just in time, but unfortunately, he dove right off the hill and started tumbling down its large, grassy incline.

Jamie stepped to the side and allowed the Doctor to rest in a dizzy, mumbling heap at his feet. He had taken off his jacket, and his favorite blue shirt was now stained all over with dirt and grass and petals.

“Are you okay, Doctor?” Jamie asked.

The Doctor mumbled an affirmative reply. His hand shakily raised in a thumbs up.

Jamie sighed in relief and finally asked the question that had been pressing on his mind for the past half hour.

“Do you remember where we parked?”

The Doctor frowned. He sat up, alert and worried. He looked around, but all he could see was the meadow and the forest and the color green.


	13. With You Always

“Hey, I’m with you, okay? Always.”

The Doctor wrapped his arm around Jamie’s shoulders in an attempt to comfort him. Jamie rested his head on the Doctor’s shoulder. His nerves still leapt around inside him like mad hares, but he felt better for the contact.

They were both sitting down in a dark, filthy room, surrounded by other creatures that resembled- but weren’t really- humans. It was as if an alien artist had had humans described to them, but had never seen one in the flesh. The room’s other occupants talked among themselves, ate out of dishes of food or water, or simply lied in the shadows, waiting. 

This lazy, bored, and yet fearful atmosphere filled Jamie with a nauseous dread that he couldn’t shake off. It didn’t help that Victoria might be lost somewhere else in this strange, huge city, or that the TARDIS translation circuits had started to malfunction.

And yet, with the Doctor by his side, Jamie finally started to relax.

Then, the door opened and a group of huge, hulking alien creatures walked in. They towered over the room’s occupants. Their footsteps caused earthquakes on the wooden floors.

A smaller alien noticed Jamie and gave a sharp, loud roar. It picked him up with its thick, scaly…  Jamie wanted to say fingers, and ripped him away from the Doctor’s grasp. Before he could even draw breath to scream, the beast had carried him out of the room.


	14. Think You're Funny?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Little Doctors AU! Wherein a little Doctor is being a little shit to Jamie after he's taken a shower.

“You think you’re funny?” Jamie growled. “Don’t you?”

The little Doctor blew a great big raspberry at him and leapt away, Jamie’s kilt flapping around his shoulders like a cape.

“Och, you come back here you wee monster!”

“Hero!” the little Doctor cackled. “Super-hero!”

The miniature Time Lord put on a boost of speed by running away on all fours like a scruffy wee dog. He giggled as he heard Jamie run down the corridor after him, stray drops of water falling from his hair to the floor.

The TARDIS ordinarily didn’t like water on her floor, but she let it go this time. She was too amused at the sight of Jamie, fresh from the shower, run after the tiny version of her Time Lord.

Jamie laughed so hard he roared as he snatched the little Doctor up in both arms.

“Got you!”

“ _Ahem_.”

Jamie shut up. The little Doctor quit squirming. They both looked to their right, through the open doorway of the library, where the Doctor and Zoe were holding their respective books and cups of tea, gaping in awed shock.

As the little Doctor began to giggle again, Jamie let one hand go down to cover himself.

“Doctor, Zoe,” he said, calmly.

“Jamie,” they said, just as calmly.

“Hi,” the little Doctor waved.

Jamie turned around and walked, as respectably as he could, towards his room with the little Doctor under his arm like a mischievous package.


	15. Pappy and Da

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Parent AU! Two and Jamie decide what to be called as parents.

Jamie leaned back in his armchair, barely able to stay awake. He was threateningly close to sleep every time he blinked, and yet he couldn’t stop staring at the three cribs across the room, each one containing a small, impossible baby, named not over two hours ago.

Not impossible, he realized, for they were there. They were real. They were his. And the Doctor’s.

And as this thought played through his mind again, something occurred to him.

“Doctor?”

“Hmmm?” The Doctor looked up from his knitting needles. The TARDIS had all the baby clothes they could need, but he insisted on making something, although the sweater he had started with had turned into a toy dragon halfway through. “Yes, Jamie?”

“What will they call us?”

“Call us? Jamie…” The Doctor yawned. Both of them were exhausted. “Jamie, what do you mean?”

“Well, usually, children have a mother and a father.”

“Not usually, Jamie, many children across the universe are raised by-”

“Och, you know what I mean. The point is, we’re both dads.”

“So?”

“So, they can’t call us both dad, then, can they? That would just be confusing.”

The Doctor blinked and then realized what Jamie was getting at. “Oh. Oh, I see.” He set down his knitting and thought. “We’ll just have to have a different name for ‘dad’, then. Simple as that.”

“But what name?”

“Hmm.” The Doctor could think of different names for fathers on multiple planets, in a sea of languages, but he wanted something that would be special for Jamie and their children. Him coming from a planet where having children was… complicated didn’t help matters. “Well, what are fathers called where you’re from, Jamie?”

“Er, dad. Da. Athair.” Jamie snickered. “Pappy.”

The Doctor sat upright, a smile on his face. “Pappy! I like that name!”

“You do?”

“Oh, yes! It’s very nice.”

“Do you want to be Pappy, Doctor?”

The Doctor looked ready to jump at the chance. Then he shook his head and said, “No, no, you should be Pappy. You came up with the name. I’ll be Dad.”

“Daddy Doctor?”

“I guess so.”

The Doctor and Jamie grinned at each other, relishing in the feeling of taking another step through this unexpected parenthood. Suddenly, Jamie broke off from the moment with a huge yawn.

“The little ones are fast asleep,” said the Doctor, “and I think we should be too.”

“I’m no’ that tired,” Jamie lied.

“We should go to bed all the same. Who knows, they might be waking us up in an hour or so anyway. Babies are known for that.”

Jamie nodded. “Aye, you’re right.” He got up and followed the Doctor to the door. He lingered for a moment, staring back at his three little children.

“Come along, Pappy!” the Doctor called from the hall.

Jamie smiled and walked out after him. “I’m coming, Da.”


	16. Not Meant to Be Eaten

“You really… That’s not exactly meant to be eaten.” 

Jamie looked up from his sticky, blue fingertips.

“Eh?” he mumbled, a cascade of crumbs falling from his lips.

A corner of the Doctor’s mouth twitched, caught between a grimace and a grin.

“I’m sorry,” he said, “but I just have to do this.”

The Doctor whipped out his handkerchief and gently rubbed away some icing from Jamie’s face.

Jamie scoffed, not wanting to be treated like a child, but he stayed still anyway.

“You must really like that cupcake,” the Doctor chuckled.

Jamie nodded and took another bite out of the crumbling pastry. Every part of it was blue and tasted of blueberries, too sweet but so good at the same time.

“Aye,” said Jamie.

The Doctor finally let himself giggle. “You-you’re not supposed to eat all of it!”

“What do you mean?”

“You’re eating the liner, Jamie.”

“The what?”

“Oh for- the paper lining that’s on the bottom!”

Jamie looked at the half-eaten cupcake in his hands. It really was half eaten. The cake, icing, and liner all had big bite marks taken out of them.

“Oh.” Jamie smacked his lips. “It tastes so sweet.”

“That’s because it’s covered in cake.”

“It’s so easy to eat, too.”

The Doctor did a small whimper of a laugh and took a bite of his own cupcake, sans wrapper.

Jamie frowned. It felt like the Doctor was laughing at him. Well, he was, but Jamie felt that it was the wrong sort of laugh. The Doctor probably didn’t mean it, but Jamie hated feeling like a fool. He blushed and decided to swallow the rest of his cupcake in one bite to save himself from further embarrassment. The fact that it still had the liner just make the Doctor laugh more.


	17. It's Magic!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another Parent AU drabble. From the prompt, "no, you silly goose, it's magic!"

“No, you silly goose, it’s magic!”

Robert blinked at the Doctor with the terrible, confidence-sapping glare of all disappointed children everywhere. The Doctor tried very hard not to look to his sides, where Bonnie and Sigma were giving their own variations of the stare. Bonnie was more bored, and Sigma was just sad for him.

“This silly goose,” said Robert, “just saw you slip the coin into your pocket.”

“Erm.” The Doctor coughed. He raised his arm and a card or two fluttered out of his sleeve. “You’re, um, you’re sure you weren’t mistaken? Because it’s clearly not-“ The Doctor froze before frantically patting his pockets. “It really isn’t in there!”

Bonnie held up the bright, gold-like alien coin the Doctor had tried to make disappear. “Looking for this?”

Her father’s face paled. “How did you-“

“Please, Dad.” Bonnie idly flipped the coin, making it spin and dance like a jumping fairy. “You’re showing little tricks to kids who’ve been practicing misdirection since popping out of the artificial womb.”

Robert nodded. “You’re trying to hide putting cards in your sleeve or balls under cups. We’ve been able to hide sneaking all sorts of things around the TARDIS.”

“Oh? Like what?”

“That’s for us to know and you to find in five months in a random cupboard.”

Sigma, the nicest of the three, sighed. “We love the effort, Da. You should keep having fun with it. But you’re not even, well, very…”

“You stink,” said Robert.

The Doctor sputtered. Since when had he raised such criticizing children? These insults were Jamie’s fault, he was sure of it.

“All right,” he said. “Let’s see the eight-year-old teach a pro how to make a coin disappear.”

“Easy!” Robert grabbed the coin from his sister and threw it across the room.

The coin soared to the top of a bookshelf, slid a few inches, and then plummeted down the back of it.

Robert grinned triumphantly among the laughter of his siblings. “You’re never gonna see that again.”

The Doctor frowned, glaring bright daggers at the children. He furiously grabbed a flat, black disc from the table and slammed it open into a top hat. The motion was so sudden and violent that it shut the triplets up.

“Now,” he said, too calmly for his children’s liking, “I’m going to pull a rabbit from this hat, and unless I get some decent applause, I’m going to have some desserts disappear tonight. Is that clear?”

Three heads nodded in unison.

“As crystal,” they said.

“Good.” The Doctor took a deep breath and put on a smile. “Now, as you can see, nothing inside the hat. And then with a flick of my wand… and a quick, little wish…” He plunged his hand into the hat.

He frowned.

The Doctor raised the hat above his head, peered deep into its pocket-lined depths and shook it. A large stuffed rabbit plopped onto his face with all the grace of a thrown pie.

“Encore!” his children cheered, laughing so hard they clutched their stomachs.

The Doctor smiled. “Still got it.”


	18. A Little Replacement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Little Doctors AU! In which a little Doctor makes himself useful.

“It takes too long,” Jamie whined.

“I'll admit that our last few meetings with alien officials had gone on for, um, quite a bit,” said the Doctor.

“They went on for _hours_!”

“Well, yes, but…” The Doctor threw up his hands and sighed. “Oh, Jamie, we can’t just skip this meeting! The programs that they’re putting into place have to be witnessed by an intellectual, neutral party.”

“Only witnessed? A lump of stone could do the same job.”

“Yes, but…” Something tugged at the Doctor’s pant leg. He groaned and glared at his ankle. “What?!”

“Woah,” squeaked the little Doctor. He was clutching an empty juice box, and having second thoughts about asking for another one with his original self in this kind of temper.

He was also becoming very suspicious of why they were looking at him that way.

****

The Noarfang ambassador took his seat in his office chair. He pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose and assembled his notes, anxious for the procedure to be gotten over with. He cleared his throat.

“Good evening, Doctor,” he said with a voice that was as flat and dull as a wooden desk. “Now that we are both here, we can go along with confirming and accepting Act 11-0 Sigma 5 for the mitigation of the latest financial bill to… Doctor, aren’t you going to have tea with your sugar?”

An entire tea set had been prepared and laid out on the fancy table before him, but the little Doctor was only interested in the bowl of sugar cubes. He looked up as he crammed four more into his mouth and shook his head.

“… Anyway, we just want you to agree to a few clauses. There’s one that directs 42% of the planet’s funds to- oh, I see that you’re going to listen while swinging from the chandelier. That’s,” he sighed, “fine. Just fine. You know, I could have sworn you were taller when we first met.”


	19. He was right here!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Little Doctors AU! In which the little Doctors seem to be multiplying...

“He was right here!”

“Jamie…”

“I saw him with my own eyes. A wee you only this tall!”

Jamie put his hand around the level of his knee, which reached the height of the little Doctor standing innocently next to the Doctor’s legs.

“Jamie,” the Doctor said slowly, “the only little Doctor on the TARDIS was with me in the power room all this time. He couldn’t have been here in the bedroom.”

“I ken that! But I swear, he was jumping up and down on the bed as bold as day!”

The Doctor patted the side of Jamie’s head and pouted.

“You have been losing sleep lately,” he fretted. “It think it’s finally getting to you.”

The little Doctor made sad crooning noises while patting Jamie’s knee, which infuriated Jamie all the more.

“No! Doctor…“

“I think we should let Jamie rest, don’t you?” The Doctor picked his little self up and walked to the door. “Lie down, Jamie, and don’t worry about any more little Doctors. Take care.”

“Love you!” chirped his little self.

“But Doctor-”

The door closed softly behind them. The little Doctor clinging to it grinned.


	20. Can Never Say No to a Picnic

“Jamie, get up!”

The lump on the bed wriggled, becoming more and more encased in a soft, thick blanket coating.

“You can’t stay in there all day.”

“I can and I will,” came the muffled reply.

The Doctor put his hands on his hips, tutting.

“It’s such a lovely day outside, Jamie,” said the Doctor, his voice starting to whine. “It’s the countryside, the sun is shining, and there’s no danger anywhere. Believe me, I’ve checked!”

“Don’t care.“

“Well, what’s the problem, then?”

“Went too long with no sleep. Need it back. Need a whole day.”

“You can’t even talk in complete sentences, then?”

“Grrn,” Jamie grunted.

The Doctor scowled and headed out the door.

“This is not over!” he called over his shoulder.

“Wee daftie.”

Almost twenty minutes later, the Doctor came back. He sat on the foot of the bed and gave the bottom part of the lump a gentle prod.

“Jamie?”

No answer.

“Jaaaamiiieee?” he crooned.

“Mmmmnngh.”

“Jaaaaaaaaaaaammiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeee-”

“What do you want?!”

Jamie’s foot popped out of the blankets in a comfy explosion and kicked the Doctor in the side.

“Ah. You’re conscious.”

“Out with it then.” Another kick.

“I just wanted to let you know about the picnic we’ve set up outside.”

“There’s nothing you can say to-” Jamie’s foot paused mid-kick. “Eh?”

“Victoria thought of it. It’s such lovely weather for it, it would be criminal not to have a picnic.”

The Doctor waited. The sheets were still.

“We’ve set up the blanket already, and Victoria’s out there laying out the wonderful sandwiches she made for us.”

There was a stirring in the bed.

“Sandwiches?” Jamie asked softly.

“Yes, and I brought the tea and lemonade. There’s also biscuits, chocolates, fruit, and by rerouting a little time manipulation into the oven, we managed to bake a pie in no time at all.”

From the dark shadows of the cocoon, the Doctor could see the gleaming of an eye.

“What kind of pie?”

“Does it matter?”

The Doctor only had to wait a few more seconds before Jamie finally emerged from his nest. As the young Scot rubbed the crumbly dust from his eyes, the Doctor picked one of his shirts up from the floor. They really needed to clean this room, he reflected.

“Put this on and we can be off.”

Humming quietly to himself, the Doctor watched and waited patiently as Jamie dressed, until he was all ready in shirt, kilt, and boots.

“It’s an apple pie, by the way,” he said, taking Jamie’s arm.

“I can’t wait.”

“I must say, the promise of food can certainly move you.”

“Ah well,” said Jamie, “I can never say no to a picnic.”


	21. Use the little scanny thing!

“Well use the little scanny thing!”

“The what?”

The Doctor could barely hear Jamie over his own panic. It pounded in his head, in his hearts, almost in time with the shudders of the TARDIS. Something had gotten in during their flight while the shields were down, and it had eaten its way through dozens of systems. It wasn’t enough to wreck the ship- fortunately, this creature depended on ship’s survival as well as they did- but it did mean that the Doctor couldn’t detect the monster as well as he could have, nor could he flush it out into the vortex. They were trapped.

“The wee, och, _that_ thing!”

“This? No, no, it won’t work.”

“Doctor, what has gotten into the ship?” Zoe shouted. “You still haven’t told us!”

“Only because I’ve been too busy saving our lives!” The Doctor yelped as another tremor shook the TARDIS. “All right. The most I can say for now is that it’s a dangerous thing indeed. A monster of time energy that can only live so long in a place like the time vortex. It’s life is so, oh crumbs,” he flicked a few more switches, “so short and the chance of it encountering a TARDIS with deactivated shields in its exact location is so small that, well, the chances of finding it are a million to one!”

“Of course we have to be the million to one,” Zoe grumbled. “Will it only infect the TARDIS systems?”

“I wish it would.” The Doctor wiped the sweat from his brow, and regretted it when it only made controlling the ship more slippery. “There’s a chance it will take a physical form, and then we’ll really have to worry because-”

“Why won’t that scanny thing work?“

“Jamie, I said it won’t!”

“Don’t interrupt the Doctor!”

“But it’s the only thing that the beastie hasnae gotten to!”

“It doesn’t work anymore, that’s why!”

“Aye, it’s connected to the main-”

“It doesn’t scan for anomalies anymore!”

“That’s it!” said Zoe.

“Zoe, wait!” The Doctor reached out in vain as Zoe ran down the corridor. “No! Don’t go! Please!” The more he shouted, the more it sounded like he was close to crying. “It’s too dangerous! Zo-”

“Och, let her be. She can take care of herself. You’ve got to fly the TARDIS.”

“Oh, I, I suppose….” The Doctor sniffed and turned back to the controls.

“What does it scan for?”

“Eh?” The Doctor looked up. “Jamie, I really don’t think this is the time…”

“I think it’s worth knowing why something that could save our lives doesnae work.”

The Doctor stamped his foot in frustration. “Fine! It scans for ice cream!”

For a few seconds, the sounds of the sirens dominated the control room. Jamie stared at the Doctor in a way he never had before.

“It what?” he finally said.

“The TARDIS was, um, being cheeky at one point and always switching up where the freezer was located and, well, I changed the scanner’s job so I’d always know where the ice cream was.”

Jamie took a step towards the Doctor.

“I, I always meant to change it, you know, I knew the potential danger, I just never got around to _Jamie!_ ”

The last word was said in a squeal as Jamie somehow managed to grow an inch taller. He towered over the Doctor with a scowl on his face, making the Doctor feel like a guilty fifty year old.

“You… you _ridiculous_ wee man.”

“Jamie?”

“I always knew you’d be daft. Ever since I first came on board this ship, I knew, but this, _this_ really goes too far.”

The Doctor’s face flushed as he was backed up against the TARDIS console. he tried to speak, but his voice came out so much smaller than he meant it to.

“I never meant-”

“You’ve endangered yourself, you’ve endangered your ship, you’ve endangered the people you care about-”

“Jamie-”

“You’re a disgrace to Time Lords.”

The Doctor’s fear shattered under the weight of those two words. He looked up into the burning brown eyes glaring into him.

“What did you say?”

“You’re a disgrace-”

“To Time Lords, yes, I heard.” He straightened up with a scowl. “But I never told you that I was a Time Lord.”

For the first time in the conversation, Jamie looked uncertain.

“You didn’t?”

“No.”

“… Are you sure? I could have sworn-”

“I never have. And now that I’m thinking about it,” the Doctor’s hand curled protectively around a TARDIS lever, behind his back, “how did you know what the scanner was, and that it was still connected to the main power supply? There’s no outward indication of its function or connection.”

Jamie was still, staring at the Doctor thoughtfully with newborn eyes. The eyes flashed an impossible color, and then he was laughing. It was disgusting to hear Jamie’s voice used for a laugh like that.

“Do you want to know why I wanted you to use the scanner?” He gestured to the screen on the ceiling. “A message was going to flash on there. Something like ‘There’s no hope’ or ‘I’ve got you now.’ Now that I think about it, it’s a very silly move to make. But then again,” he grinned, “you’re a silly man. You and your boy. And I’ve had only so long and so few minds to learn from.”

“What have you done with-”

The Doctor spluttered, struggling against a hand tightening around his throat. In his desperation, he let go of the lever.

“You won’t have to worry about him anymore, Doctor.”


	22. Cookies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A drabble for the prompt "cookies". (This was actually written a long time ago and posted to Tumblr.)

Jamie looked up as the Doctor and Zoe entered the library. Zoe seemed rather calm, but the Doctor walked in seriously, his hair bristling with a current of anger and accusation. His greeting was only a cold stare that Jamie returned as best as he could.

For a few moments, nobody spoke. Zoe cleared her throat.

“Jamie,” said the Doctor.

“Doctor,” said Jamie.

“Well, hello to you too,” said Zoe.

“What are you doing?” the Doctor asked, his voice light but razor-edged.

Jamie shrugged and gestured to his couch. “Lying down.”

“Quite. But why?”

“Isn’t a man allowed to rest?”

Jamie let his voice go high-pitched in minor outrage. The Doctor’s features didn’t change a bit.

“Any particular reason for this rest?”

The cool question made Jamie calm down. Two could play at this game.

“Because I felt like it. No more than that.”

The Doctor made a little “ha” noise under his breath, hardly moving his lips. His gaze fell on the table next to the couch. There was a bottle of seltzer and a half-full glass.

“Stomach trouble?”

“Perhaps.”

“Oh, that’s a pity. Because, you know, I was planning on making a batch of cookies for everyone.”

“Really?”

“Yes, really. In fact, I did make them, using my very special-” he gestured to his torso, “-cookie making apron. You can see the flour stains quite clearly.”

“Oh dear Lord,” sighed Zoe.

“However, Zoe and I came into the kitchen not five minutes ago, only to find an empty baking sheet.”

“How terrible,” Jamie tutted.

The Doctor’s scowl deepened. “One dozen cookies are now gone!”

Jamie slowly sat up like a satisfied vampire rising from its coffin. He looked up at the Doctor and grinned.

“What a shame,” he said.

The Doctor seemed to growl without making a sound as he watched Jamie lie back down.

“That turtleneck looks tight on you today,” the Doctor barked.

“What?” This threw Jamie off somewhat. “Are you calling me fat?”

“I’m calling you full. And do you have a good explanation for those chocolate marks under your fingernails?”

“… Would you believe that I didn’t wash my hands after using the bathroom?”

Zoe rolled her eyes. This had gone far enough.

“Oh, stop this,” she said. “Doctor, we can easily make another batch of cookies.”

“Oh yes,” he said, finally taking his eyes off Jamie to smile at her. “That’ll be fun. Jamie would like that, wouldn’t you, Jamie?”

“Och, don’t worry about me. You can have them all to yourselves.”

“How generous of you.”

“You’re welcome.”

If it was possible to make an apron flip insultingly, the Doctor managed to do it as he spun around to leave the library.

The instant before he and Zoe left the room, a great belch came from the couch.

Jamie smiled at them sheepishly.

“Excuse me.”


	23. My Finest Hour

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the prompt "That was definitely my finest hour." (this was actually written a while ago and posted on Tumblr)

“That was definitely my finest hour.”

“Yes, Doctor, of course it was,” said Zoe.

Jamie was silent; he focused on brushing the soot from the Doctor’s clothes.

“I was purely focused,” the Doctor went on. “Obeying nothing but instinct and adrenaline. I leapt through the flames-”

“And got caught on fire,” Jamie added.

“-and… well, yes, Jamie, I did. But it was worth it to save him.”

“That’s a wonderful story,” said Zoe. “It’d probably sound more impressive if we hadn’t heard it five times already.”

“The important thing,” said the Doctor, “is that we must all take on the heroic responsibility of raising him as our own.”

“Who said we were doing that?”

“Well, then tell him you’re just going to abandon him, homeless and alone.”

Before Zoe could answer, the Doctor took a little bundle of fur out of his pocket and held it before her. The two-week-old kitten blinked and mewed pitifully.

“You said you’d found him an owner!” said Jamie.

“Yes, I did. Me. I’m the owner. That is to say, we’re all his owners. He’s all our responsibility.”

Zoe groaned. They’d figure this out in the TARDIS.

“Fine.”

“Of course, I get to name him.”


End file.
